Use curious language to defuse conflict

A simple question can lower the temperature in an argument: “What am I missing?” shifts a disagreement from defense to explanation. (hbs.edu) Harvard Business School professor Amy Edmondson coined “team psychological safety” in the 1990s to describe workplaces where people can speak up with ideas, questions, concerns, and mistakes without fear of punishment. In a June 14, 2023 summary of Edmondson’s work, Harvard Business School said candor and speaking up are central to stronger team performance. (library.hbs.edu) That idea moved into mainstream management talk after Google’s Project Aristotle, which Harvard Business School said in 2023 identified psychological safety as a key ingredient in successful teams. Edmondson and doctoral researcher Derrick P. Bransby also reviewed 185 research papers on the topic, according to the same Harvard summary. (library.hbs.edu) Question-asking research points in the same direction. A 2017 paper by Karen Huang, Michael Yeomans, Alison Wood Brooks, Julia Minson, and Francesca Gino found across live conversations that people who ask more questions are better liked by their partners. (hbs.edu) The effect was not just about asking any question. The researchers found that follow-up questions signaled responsiveness — listening, understanding, validation, and care — and helped explain why question-askers were viewed more positively. (hbs.edu) In face-to-face speed-dating conversations, the same 2017 study found that people who asked more questions were more likely to get a “yes” for a second date. The authors said many people still underestimate how much question-asking shapes how others see them. (hbs.edu) A 2018 Harvard Business Review article by Brooks and Leslie K. John argued that questions do more than collect information: they build rapport and trust, uncover risks, and work best when they are follow-up questions delivered in the right tone. The article also said many people leave conversations wishing the other person had asked more. (cebma.org) Brooks’ later research kept pushing on that point. Her research page lists a 2019 Journal of Personality and Social Psychology paper, “It helps to ask: The cumulative benefits of asking follow-up questions,” and a 2023 paper on “Conveying and detecting listening during live conversation.” (alisonwoodbrooks.com) For managers, that turns phrasing into a practical tool. Edmondson’s framework says leaders create safer teams when they invite participation and respond productively to feedback, and the conversation research suggests curious, specific questions make that invitation easier to hear. (library.hbs.edu, alisonwoodbrooks.com)